Hello and thank you for visiting Waggish Writer. What follows is my testimonial on behalf of Charlotte Kaye, creator of Airy Fairy Feminist. She began as my life coach but became my big sister/friend.
Today's post is both an end and a beginning. It is of sadness and joy. Where I am today is a much more different place then I had been in September 2019.
For those who have explored Waggish Writer, you would have come across my Journalist persona blog series known as "A Matter of Mantra." You are welcome to visit my first post, "A Matter of Mantra: Negative Emotions Rise Up to Be Released," to glimpse into what started the journey. This blog post will dive deeper and shed light upon myself.
September 21, 2019 was the day I attended Nicklaus Suino's Permission II event. My boss, the owner of the coffee shop I work at as a barista, extended the invitation for employees to attend for free due to her being good friends with the event runner. The chance to take charge of myself to do what I love stirred the sleeping dream of my writing ambitions. Part of Permission includes mingling with other attendees, several of them life coaches who shared contact information.
At the time, I felt in a rut. With a past checkered with rising hope and crushing disappointments, I did not know how to rise up beyond what I was doing. Anxiety and insecurities froze me from taking steps for success in my life. After Permission and with the contact information of several life coaches in hand, I decided to take a gamble. I sent emails to the life coaches I spoke with, asking a bit more about what they did.
I had used the services of a therapist back in college at one of the darkest times of my life. She helped me solve the riddle known as my mind, so I could talk to others. What I had not solved was the riddle known as my heart. The services the life coaches offered resonated what I hope to achieve.
My email exchange lead me to meeting with Charlotte Kaye, an empowerment coach who owns Airy Fairy Feminist. We met to eat burgers and slurp milkshakes. I asked questions about what she did and explained what I was looking for. I remember the slight jolt inside me when Kaye offered to take me on as her client.
Engaging the services of a life coach was a big leap for me. I soughed her out on my own without any prompting or counsel before hand. I knew I needed help. The cost was something in my range that I could make up with my work. I decided to take the risk because I was going nowhere in my current mentality and on my own. Here is a story trope that applies to my situation: 'Little did I know how much my life was about to change by taking the leap of faith.'
In some ways, the sessions echoed my therapist sessions with a big difference. Kaye did not take half-heartfelt answers at a face value. She probed at the issues, making me dig out the parts of myself I long ago locked away inside the chamber of my heart. I locked away my wishes, feelings, and dreams because of my love for others and thirst for their approval. Kaye encouraged me to be honest and let go of the feelings I held up.
One of the first things we did was having me work on mantras. As I identified myself as a writer, I wrote it in my journal. Each mantra required 5 lines. My list of mantras has lengthened and shorten over time. The list only shortens when I have decided the mantra has become part of my beliefs.
I cried at times over our Zoom calls, letting out the emotions I've so often kept hidden from view. Her guidance led me to improving my relationship with my mom as most of my shame and fears tied to one of the most important people in my life.
Kaye helped me break the shackles holding my creativity back. She pointed out that I was already an author with the pieces I did in my past both in my own time and in a professional setting.
The image I linked to in my mind is that she took my definition of author, snapped it over her knee, rearranged the definition, and made me look again at what it means to be an author. One of my mantras was "I am a Writer on an Adventure to Become an Author." I have been exceeding expectations first with sharing with the universe my creativity with Waggish Writer and my other venture into the written word.
One of the comments I have been getting from people is how I am glowing. My initial reaction is either I'm getting glare from sunlight/camera flash or I scrubbed my skin too hard. Now that I write this testimonial, I know the answer. I am glowing from my light. It is light emitting from my heart because I am finally stepping out of the shadows of my fears, anxiety, and insecurities.
I am glowing from the happiness of going after the things I want. I am at peace with myself. In the past, when others would talk to me and dive into their worries about me, their fears and worries injury my heart directly because I care so much for them. My heart would cloud over, seeping into my mind. My feelings jam up my thought process. This jam results in me being unable to think and respond to the words. I would grow depress, clam up, and shut down. This reaction I had would leave both parties distress. They couldn't understand why I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't articulate my true feelings and thoughts, twisted up by my emotional turmoil.
Due to my coaching sessions with Kaye, I have a little mental trick to help separate my heart from my mind whenever the conversation leads towards my old reaction. I envision the people as goldfish who swim around in their bowl in their frantic worrying that makes me mentally laugh. This image disburses any potential damage their words can do to my heart.
I can address the people's fears and worries with a clear mind focusing on their words rather than the damages done to my heart. My mind can decide the best way to answer their worries without letting my heart's light be compromised.
I have grown so much in the times I've worked with Kaye. Beyond my first session I booked with her, I had booked two additional sessions to keep working on my light.
Now, in August of 2020, a little after a whole year of working with Kaye, I am ready to share the light. I have tools: my journal, the tarot set of cards Kaye gifted me (the exact ones she used when we started my sessions), my mom who I have a better relationship, my incredible network of family, friends, boyfriend, and his wonderful family.
I am feeling slightly emotional because it is an end of my weekly sessions with Kaye. I am so grateful for her services as my life coach. I am also excited and nervous because it is a beginning where I put my tools to practice. My mantras each day, an occasional reading of the cards if I need to see into my heart, and sharing my light with others by talking with them about both the positive and negatives in my life.
I plan to keep in contact with Kaye as I move forward in my life's journey. I have a small writing venture on the side that is putting my writing ambitions to work. I have a whole life ahead.
Thank you, Charlotte, for helping me shine with my light. I hope this testimonial shows how those seeking to ways to shine that you are able to help them shine with their light.
If this testimonial has any impact on you, share the light by sharing this post with a friend.
If you wish to learn more about Charlotte Kaye and her services, check out Airy Fairy Feminist. She also has a podcast you can check out.
Once again, thank you for visiting Waggish Writer.
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