• Erin Fedeson

A Matter of Mantra: "Negative Emotions Rise up to be Released"

Updated: Apr 23, 2021

Hello and thank you for visiting Waggish Writer.


This blog post is the first of a series of my journalist persona known as "A Matter of Mantra."


This post will be on the longer side due to it being the series' introduction. This introduction will include concept of mantra, how the mantra came into my life, how the mantra listed in the title came into my life, and how it helps me. My hope is that if this mantra resonates with you that you may use it to help live your life to the fullest.


WHAT IS A MANTRA?


A mantra is basically a repeated phrase used to solidify a belief (1).


I will confess that I have only heard of mantra from movies and conversation about meditation and Buddhism. I had been fascinated with religions of different countries in high school, taking a class studying them.


HOW DID MANTRA CAME INTO MY LIFE?


Mantra did not come into my life until I had made the decision I needed help.


I had attended undergraduate school with the goal of being a teacher. However, I had the rug pulled out from under me when I was told I was not ready for student teaching, the final stage to graduating with a teaching degree. I had no warning that I was not ready. Being told was being smacked in the face.


With some arranging of schedules and talking to the school's advising services, I graduated with a Bachelor of Education but not certified to teach. It reminds me of leaving the cafeteria with a tray, but the tray is empty as the cafeteria had no food to serve. It was a bit of a hollow victory to graduate.


I was adrift at the time before I soughed help from the university's counseling center where I connected to the therapist.


The therapist helped me enter into my messy mind, take the jumble known as my thoughts and feelings, straighten them out, and being able to articulate them to her and eventually those who are the closest to me.


My sessions with my therapist helped me a great deal, but I was reaching a point that I had firm control over my thoughts. I made the decision to conclude my sessions, knowing I could always go back to her if I needed help.


My life continued on where I did my gap year of community college, writing for the Washtenaw Voice, working for Meijer part-time, and preparing for the GRE for graduate school. I attended graduate school to become an archivist, succeeding in getting a grant-funded position after my schooling was complete.


However, I found myself adrift in the search for work in a competitive field.


I came upon my work as a barista for one of the Sweetwaters in Ann Arbor and fell in love with the work, my co-workers, and my work environment.


At the same time, there was a piece missing. And the gentle pressure from my parents of getting a better job with benefits. But there was no motivation to keep looking in a field that was highly competitive and not where my heart was completely invested in.


I had the opportunity to attend Nicklaus Suino's Permission II event at the invitation of my boss. I was not sure what to expect, but the concept of taking charge of my life and doing what I love stirred the sleeping dream of my writing ambitions.


Part of Permission includes mingling with other attendees. Several of the individuals I met were life coaches who shared contact information with me.


I reached out to the contacts where an email exchange lead me to meet up again with Charlotte Kaye, an empowerment coach who owns Airy Fairy Feminist. We met for lunch where I described what I was looking for and asking what she does. At the end of our lunch, she offered to take me on as her client as she had a good vibe from me.


I hesitated on making the leap because what was hard the first time I soughed counseling was admitting I needed help. This time, I knew I needed help. So, if I knew, why was I looking at a life coach instead of going back to the therapist?


The services I needed weren't counseling in the traditional sense because I gained control over my thoughts. What I needed was courage to open my heart and pursue what I love. I enjoyed working with my therapist, but even in our conversations, I've kept careful guard over my heart.


I wanted more for myself. I did the math for the service fee and reasoned that my earnings from my work covered the service fee without touching any other money I possessed, and I would put more away from my earnings to make up for it.


In our first session, I shared that I did not want to feel ashamed. Most of my feelings stem from my relationship with my mom. As my dad worked long hours, Mom was the automatic parent to turn to. The parent who shows the first emotions of joy, sadness, pride, and disappointment. The parent to share with my hopes, fears, joys, and sadness.


Because of where I am in life, Mom showed a lot of concern about my ability to take care of myself and spoke often of finding a better job with benefits. I would find myself calling her less and less because I couldn't find what I needed. I needed her love and support. Far often, I got stress and shame because I was not where she envisioned I would be.


WHERE DID MY MANTRA COME FROM


Kaye gave me my first mantra: "Negative Emotions Rise up to be Released."


As someone who did not want to disappoint or bother anyone, I often hid away my emotions. They fester in a bottle that would then turn into a keg waiting to go off.


The mantra, "Negative Emotions Rise up to be Released," is a mantra to give myself permission to feel and share more than the positives in my life. If I kept the negatives inside, they would poison not only just me but everything around me. The fact I was calling Mom less and less due to the negativeness created from the conversations showed how poisonous concealing negative emotions is.


HOW MY MANTRA HELPS ME


Even now, I am getting a little teary from what I could lose if I'm not careful, which I am okay with. This is me being vulnerable. Being vulnerable means you are open to accepting help whether it is releasing the negativeness alone or having an honest conversation with the person in question.


I know there are sons and daughters who feel/felt this way about their parents or those important to their lives. I want those who are concealing their feelings to know that it's okay to feel those negative emotions. Feeling and accepting what you're feeling is the first step to releasing. In the sessions that I've cried over my negative feelings, I felt drained and lighter.


My relationship with my mom has improved dramatically. There are moments where negativity are there, but I am stronger in accepting in what I am feeling and letting it go, so I can be in the moment. The moment I want to spend chatting with my mom about life, both the big and little things. I do not want a moment wasted because I am hiding the negativity from those I care about.


No one works the same way, so I am not preaching this mantra to be a fool-proof method. It is a tool and option that is out there for those who struggle with their emotions like I do.


As a writer, I take time each time I journal to write "Negative Emotions Rise up to be Released" five times. Write it. Talk it. Draw it. Tackle this mantra any way that gets the message across for yourself.


If the mantra has helped in any way or the story resonates and you feel comfortable in sharing, make a comment below or feel free to Contact Me if you want it private. We have our moments of negativity. Let's release it together.

 

Thank you for taking time to visit Waggish Writer. If you wish to show your appreciation, you are welcome to...

This is Waggish Writer signing off of this post. Stay tune for more in "A Matter of Mantra" series!


Want to see the next mantra? Check out A Matter of Mantra: I am Worthy, and I am Enough.


APA Citation

(1). Dictonary.com, LLC. (n.d.). Mantra. Retrieved May 31, 2020, from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/mantra.




14 views0 comments